so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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