just survived the first fart of the relationship.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
