The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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