so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Enjoy the penises
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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