i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
