Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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