I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize