He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
