my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
