I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
