We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
