Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize