she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
