Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
worst night to have a conscience
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
