Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
