just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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