woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
