he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
