And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
