Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
