Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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