the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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