Dude my mom stole all your condoms
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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