how can u be prego again
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
