We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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