So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
