I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
