I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
