so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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