Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize