I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
