wat bout pragnant strippers??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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