Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
