so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
