I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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