Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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