I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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