Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
