So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
