Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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