I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
