she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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