i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
