Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
