He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
