The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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