Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
