I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i now understand why vodka
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
