____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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