Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
