I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
