Umm I'm too high to move.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
