I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
