I got chris browned last night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
