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You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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