If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize