You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Vodka?
Forever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
