Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
