i just wanna soil my oats bro
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
BRING THE BAGELS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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