Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
