note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
