Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize