I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
