Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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