I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
