if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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