I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
